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Fred's Blog

How Do You Know When You Are In Love?

When I returned to elementary school from my summer vacation at the beginning of sixth grade, I noticed that a new girl had joined our class.† She was seated directly to my leftÖ..and she was beautiful! I remember thinking that she was the prettiest girl that I had ever seen. I was in love!

How simple life was then. All it took was one look, and we knew if we were smitten. No questions needed to be asked. No experiences needed to be shared. No common interests or values needed to be ascertained. A quick, simple reaction told us everything we needed to know.

My, how life has changed! Todayís romantics find themselves overwhelmed with a myriad of questions and challenges. Physical attraction, once consuming most of what we thought was love, has by necessity been forced to share the stage with so many other considerations.

Is he a good provider? Will he provide me security in my later years? Is she sexy enough? Will she age well, and be energetic enough to keep up with my lifestyle? Is he stable, dependable and predictable? Is she financially responsible, a fair and just communicator, and consistently supportive? Will she care for me if I stumble or become ill? Will he be patient and tolerant with me if I get moody? Is he financially and spiritually generous? Will she be caring and sensitive to my needs? Will he be interested in my friends and family? Does she share my intellectual need for growth? The questions are endless. The years have only added more items to our laundry lists.

With time and experiences almost all of our questions can be answered. But, does that mean, if we are pleased with our conclusions, that we are now in love? And, more importantly, how can we tell personally when we are in love?

Perhaps itís fair to say that each one of us will probably answer that question differently. I know that for me, my answers today tend to be a bit different than they might have been 20 or, certainly, 40 years ago.

1-One of my simple tests to determine if I really might be in love is to allow my thinking to naturally take place instinctively. So, when I am reflexively more interested in pleasing my partner than myself, itís a good indication that I care a good deal about this person.

2-One of the joys of daydreaming when we were younger was that we could instantaneously put ourselves, even for a very short time, in highly pleasurable surroundings. As we get older and continually face responsibilities and problems, we tend not to daydream as much. Our minds are cluttered with more mundane subjects. When Iím in love I more instinctively allow my mind to wander to pleasurable experiences that Iíve had with this person. Actually, the more that I care, the more that I tend to daydream.

3-When you are in love, not only might you want to please the other person, but you might be more oriented to going to great lengths to please the other person. Itís easy to buy a gift online and have it sent. Itís another thing to spend a few hours in a store that you normally donít frequent looking for the perfect gift. Or, if you need to regularly travel great distances or go through hardships to see someone, there is good reason to believe that they mean even more to you than someone who might live in close proximity.

4-Iíve often noticed the special glow or inner warmth that I feel today when my significant partner has done something special for meÖ..something truly unexpected and thoughtful. Over a lifetime of experiences with overly entitled and self-centered prospects, it is incredibly endearing to spend company with someone who is so generous, creative and sensitive.

5-Knowing that someone represents the best that we can project in a potential partner always increases my feelings today. What might that mean? Iím sure it is different for all of us. But, when I Ďm involved with someone with similar values, character and interests, someone who is self-sufficient and independent, someone who has infinite style, class and grace, someone reasonably devoid of drama and negative issues, Iím more inclined to feel very good about this person.

6-A question I never asked years ago concerns the ability that I feel someone has to go the distance with me. Iíve had so many one-date romances or short lived relationships, that it is empowering and warming to feel that you are with someone who might be capable of being part of the rest of your life.

7-We all want the bells to ring. We all want endless sexual stimulation. We all want constant highs. But, mature, experienced people today take a great deal of stock in simply feeling very comfortable with someone. Itís like coming home. It just feels good to be in their company. Itís safe and reassuring, and tends to cause inner peace of mind. Often understated, feeling comfortable and compatible with someone might be the best feeling of all.

|  Posted on: 2012-02-01 02:23:19  |  0 Comments  

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