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Fred's Blog

Do You Try Too Hard?

Iíve met many people who have been very unhappy when someone they really thought that they could care for didnít return their enthusiasm. Some of them actually told me of the great lengths they went to impress the other party or to ingratiate themselves to them.

All of our lives, especially for men, we are taught to go after what we want. We are told to not take the word NO for an answer. We are encouraged to exhibit determination, fortitude and perseverance. Yet, as we have all found out, even the most powerful and confident among us donít measure up at times to anotherís expectations. Itís reasonable. We all have different agendas and areas of importance. We canít be attractive to everyone, even someone who we are sure is meant for us.

Trying too hard can actually undermine our efforts. Many find those who act this way to be desperate and unattractive. It is often a gentle balance between showing someone that you are interested in them and overwhelming them with your desire to connect. And, with enough rejection and lack of acceptance it is easy to see how people can become bitter or hostile, or maybe, worse yet, detached, disinterested or apathetic with the dating process.

Iíve met numerous people who have just given up. They fain disinterest. They say that they are happy. They focus on other things to occupy their time. Iím sure many have just gotten tired of trying too hard to be accepted. Itís not a good feeling to be rejected by anyone, even though reality should tell us that we need to associate with many to find the one who will be our true companion, the compatible match that might result in a solid relationship.

So, what have I personally learned over the years? What insight have I received that has allowed me to persevere, even in the face of many frustrations? I donít know if this works for everyone, but the most comfort and contentment that I have ever felt about dating has been when I stopped trying so hard to impress all of those women that I thought were ďthe one.Ē When Iíve placed someone in an extremely exalted position, especially before I really knew them, I was setting myself up for disappointment; either from not being accepted by them or by finding out much later that they would never make a great partner even if they wanted me.

I have concluded that there are really innumerable prospects for all of us. So, we neednít initially categorize any one new prospect as being indispensible to us. By staying in the moment, and evaluating people through real life encounters and experiences, we have a far better chance of seeing if they are right for us. And, by taking things slowly, by being open and honest with ourselves about our feelings, and by always being true to our core values, we wonít subject ourselves needlessly to making silly mistakes. Looking back, I have never had a successful relationship where I misrepresented who I was, or what I believed in. And, no one ever wanted me more because I tried harder than other men.

Iím more a fatalist now than ever. I believe that with enough quality exposures we all can find the right partner. We need to believe in ourselves. We need to be confident in what we have to offer. And, we need to be decisive enough to take the right action when we find our match.

We donít have to press. We donít have to try too hard. We just need to show up and be counted.

|  Posted on: 2011-04-15 01:54:34  |  0 Comments  

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